


Snapshot From a Zombie Apocalypse

by misura



Category: Kitchen Confidential
Genre: Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 21:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened before Teddy Wong went apocalyptic on a bunch of zombies and totally saved Seth Richman's ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snapshot From a Zombie Apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> apparently, this is what happens when I play Plants Versus Zombies after rewatching Kitchen Confidential? (for the record: I regret neither.)

Teddy's not worried about a bunch of zombies invading Nolita; he's got his knives and the fugu license that says he knows damn well how to use them - it's going to take a hell of a lot more than a small army of the undead to take him down.

He reckons Jack's going to get through by virtue of being arrogant and, fine, reasonably handy with sharp objects (mostly arrogant, though). Plus, of course, Jack's always had a knack for putting the 'dumb' in 'dumb luck'. He'll be fine.

Steven - well, Steven's Steven. Teddy'd be surprised if Steven hasn't prepared for every possible possibility, including a zombie invasion. There'll be a secret stash somewhere, with a couple of guns and the kind of canned food most chefs wouldn't eat over their own dead body.

(All right, flawed metaphor. True statement, though. Canned food is a big no. Death-or-death emergencies only.)

Jim - well, lucky for Jim, he's on a TV show. Teddy knows his genres and his tropes, and in their little band of misfits, Jim's definitely The Chick in all the ways that matter except, of course, that he's somewhat lacking in the boobs-and-ass department.

Still, if it sounds, screams and acts like a duck ...

Teddy doesn't know about the waiters or Mimi; they're only secondary characters, anyway, and he really can't be bothered to worry about absolutely _everyone_ , designated Cool Asian Guy or not.

Which leaves, of course, Seth.

"Seth!"

The rest of them have found something that might generously be called a 'defensible position'. Three walls and one fairly strong door. Jim's curled up in a fetal position, which nobody's yet attempted to coax him out of, mostly because it means the rest of them have more space - and also, of course, because 'don't worry, we're not dead yet' isn't really going to do much in the way of a pep talk.

"Sshh! You want them to come at us again, full force?" Steven looks like he's escaped from a bad action movie. The only thing missing is a flamethrower and a t-shirt with the text 'My Other Gun Is Extra Small'. (Teddy'd always suspected Steven had something to overcompensate for - all that talk about superior technique was a pretty clear sign, as far as he's concerned.)

Teddy doesn't judge. He's a chef; he knows all about superior techniques. "Seth!"

"He's gone. Let it go, Teddy." Jack, of course, because Steven is neither stupid nor suicidal.

"All right. If that's how you want to play this." Teddy knows the rules; he cuts a strip of white cotton off his apron to improvise a headband. (He considers writing the signs for 'victory' and/or 'idiot' on it, but he doubts if anyone's brought a pen, so clearly that's not going to happen.)

Steven looks serious - Jack, uncomprehending. Big surprise.

"Secret knock, you open up. Wrong secret knock, you shoot," Teddy says.

"Zombies don't knock, do they?" Jim, back among the living, possibly because nobody was paying any attention to him anyway. (It's a strange world Jim lives in. Strange and occasionally very cruel.)

"Let's not take any risks." Genry-savvy is one thing; putting your faith in TV faerie tales is another.

"You got it, mate. Good luck."

"Luck?" Teddy laughs. " _They_ 're the ones needing luck. Me, I just need my knives."

 

("Has he gone insane?" Jim asks, softly, tremulously, after Teddy's left and Steven's closed the door again. "I mean, shouldn't we have stopped him or something?")

("Who, Teddy? Naw," Steven says. "Always been that way, God bless the crazy fucker.")


End file.
